"So that guy doesn’t seem to want to hang out again and my friend thinks it’s because I photoshopped his face onto an angel’s body and sent it to him"

-texts from my phone’s inbox

I once saw Clay Aiken sleep for six hours straight on a flight from New York to LA.
texts from my phone’s inbox
(413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

Kenneth: Oh! Miss Lemon! You have several messages.  Ah, let’s see: that company running the bike tour in South Carolina called and said ‘no singles’.

Liz: Ok

Kenneth: And your credit card company called, they wanted to make sure that you’re the one buying cream soda in bulk.

Liz: I sure am.

Kenneth: And your landlord called and he said ‘it’s not the toilet, it’s you’.

My blog turned 5 today! Thanks to everyone for laughing with and/or at me over the past 1,826 days, here’s to 1,826 more!

My blog turned 5 today! Thanks to everyone for laughing with and/or at me over the past 1,826 days, here’s to 1,826 more!

The reasons are quite obvious... now it's time to accept them. I have.


this is why you're [still] single.




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