This is why you're [still] single.

Anonymous asked: Who are you, Really?

my answer depends on two things: 1) who’s asking & 2) what kind of response you’re looking for

this is why they’re [still] single.

txtsfrmlstnght:

(803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

Anonymous asked: Do you think you will still do this is why your still single when your not single? And married with kids? Also, will you be embarrassed to show your kids, if you have them your site and twitter? Why will you tell them you did it?

great questions! i’ll always keep up the TIWY[S]S blog/twitter/facebook pages no matter what my relationship status, because poking fun at the media/internet never gets old & there’s always something bizarre going on in my life & i enjoy having various outlets to showcase that. funny thing most people don’t know is that about a month after i started this blog i began dating a guy for over a year & i can tell you that throughout our relationship i definitely maintained the TIWY[S]S sites/my embarrassing demeanor.

i can’t say if i’ll be still running this site 20 years from now but everything in the foreseeable future makes it seem like it’ll be around for a while. i’m sure as i continue to go through the phases of adulthood (moving, career, marriage -lol-, kids -LOL-, etc) the underlying force (read: the ridiculousness that is this world/my life) will also continue, so while i may not be bar-hopping till 6AM when i’m 40 with babies -again, LOL- i’m sure some other equally ridiculous but life-stage appropriate antics will be happening that i can tell all of you about.

last but not least, provided this site is still up & running when/if i have kids -one last LOL- i’m sure when they’re at a reasonable age the topic of this site will somehow come up & we’ll have a lovely discussion about how crazy their mom is. i mentioned in an earlier Q&A post how i rarely get embarrassed about anything, & i’m pretty open about all aspects of my life & am more or less the same person around everyone especially family & friends so i’m sure what i’d be blogging about at that time wouldn’t be super shocking to my kids or anyone for that matter. i recently did an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine & they asked me the same question (why i started this site) & the following is what i told them:

“I wanted to create a comedic outlet that discussed the awkward and embarrassing things that we all go through in life but never want to talk about, whether it’s because we think we’re the only ones those types of things happen to or because we’re afraid that doing/admitting to those kinds of things will make us less attractive. I’ve been told I’m more expressive about (and a magnet for) these types of humiliating circumstances and it became a habit among my friends and I whenever something of that nature would happen to say “this is why you’re still single!”, so one day I decided to start a blog that had fun with these seemingly mortifying scenarios and shared these kinds of stories with people from all over the world.

… I think people find it refreshing to be able to share stories and find amusement in things that most people typically try to hide and pretend never happened. It’s always comforting when you can relate to others and be able to laugh about things instead of feeling bad about yourself, especially when it comes to things and situations where you may have been embarrassed or felt like you were the only one.”

so i guess when/if the time ever comes where i have to tell my kids why i started this whole thing i would give them the cheesy, but true, spiel about not being afraid to be yourself & that life’s more fun when you laugh at it & don’t sweat the small stuff, because let’s face it we’re all pretty gross & embarrassing at times.

i realized that this is a very lengthy response to your questions, but hopefully if you can manage to read through the whole thing you’ll find some answers to what you asked amongst my ramblings. big thanks for submitting the best group of questions i’ve received thus far, if you’ve got anything else for me by all means ask away!

Anonymous asked: whose your best friend?

i have 4 best friends: 3 girls -chelsey, erin, & jess- who i’ve known for almost ten years (one of them for 18 years…yikes) & together we make what we call our foursome. my other best friend is my soul bro, the love of my life malcolm who the majority of my “texts from my inbox” & bbm screen munches are from. he’s also the only person i will ever call babe, besides my cat.

Anonymous asked: is one boob bigger than the other (no shame)

it’s like you’re peering through my window as i type this. my right boob is slightly (very?) larger than my left. a quick story: when explaining my concern about their size difference once to my ex-boyfriend he said, “it’s like you have Rob & Big on your chest, i enjoy it and you need both to make it work. there’s no show starring just Big, & Rob’s Fantasy Factory sucks”.

TL;DR = yes & apparently making it work

Anonymous asked: wats up

whaddup! if you’re question was “wats up” the answer is not much, about to troll the internet for last night’s episode of ‘kourtney & kim take new york’ & i just got home from grocery shopping where i broke the cardinal rule of not going while you’re hungry. if “wats up” was just your introduction before a real question, then hello to you too & by all means ask away!