January 2012
40 posts
Anonymous asked: Who are you, Really?
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this is why they're [still] single.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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Anonymous asked: Do you think you will still do this is why your still single when your not single? And married with kids? Also, will you be embarrassed to show your kids, if you have them your site and twitter? Why will you tell them you did it?
Anonymous asked: whose your best friend?
Anonymous asked: is one boob bigger than the other (no shame)
Anonymous asked: wats up
Anonymous asked: okkkkkayyy, i'll bite. weirdest sexual experience? / most embarassing
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click to ask anonymously →
…or, if Twitter’s not your thing, you can always use the ask box to find out anything you wanna know (anonymously or not). nothing’s off limits & i’ll answer anything, so go cray!
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@itsthatobvious →
Having more fun than I should with the trending topic “#30thingsaboutme”. If there’s anything you ever wanted to know about the girl behind the blog, now’s your chance
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Your Comic Sans.
dealbreaker:
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Our sexy email correspondence isn’t a children’s birthday invitation. Deleted.
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The Circle of Life
1: ...they're a couple though. So they'll look at me and be like "well she hasn't moved from bed all day and is binge eating...poor single girl." Couples always pity the single. Like we're lepers.
2: Mean but true. And singles hate couples because they're lame. Circle of life.
1: Round and round we go!
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this is why they're [still] single.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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“I get weirdly jealous when I’m reminded you have other gay friends, almost...”
– texts from my phones inbox
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“Sam Evans, I’m Coach Roz Washington and you are one strange-looking kid. I have...”
– Coach Roz Washington (played by NeNe Leakes) on ‘Glee’
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gravitysmiles asked: I get into relationships with nice guys and then decide I want to be single... I get into relationships with assholes and cling on for dear life. THIS is why I'm still single.
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this is why I'm [still] single.
A guy just came into my work that looks EXACTLY like Andrew Garfield aaaand I am not only congested thus making me sound like a man & blow my nose every 20 seconds but I’m also wearing the same clothes I’ve had on for 3 days, am not wearing makeup, & I tripped over my words during our conversation out of shock/embarrassment at the realization of my hideous state. He also saw my...
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WatchA clip from the best episode of ‘Watch What Happens Live’ ever starring Bravo Andy, Camille Grammer, & Anderson Cooper
“My mom called me and was reading your old tweets and laughing lol she saw the...”
– texts from my phones inbox
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A 30 Rock Glossary →
In honor of the ‘30 Rock’ Season 6 premiere, here’s a refresher on some of the terminology used over the past five seasons. Party Town, USA!
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“That’s what we do in America, we take a nice Canadian boy and turn him...”
– ‘Chelsea Lately’ round table discussion on Justin Bieber
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this is why she's [still] single.
txtsfrmlstnght:
(908): he told me my hair looked so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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“Need air & yelling at [man-friend/hookup] and farting outside I’m okay...”
– texts from my phones inbox
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“Remember, everyone you kiss tonight you will get sick, so choose wisely”
– mom
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'The Big Bang Theory'
Leonard: I want to get to know Penny’s friends, I just, I don’t know how to talk to these people.
Sheldon: Well, I actually might be able to help.
Leonard: How so?
Sheldon: Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerge, they have their own language if you will.
Leonard: Go on.
Sheldon: Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting “How wasted am I?” which is met with an approving chorus of “Dude.”
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“I had a dream last night that I was on a quest and one of my missions was to eat...”
– texts from my phones inbox
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Taking bottles back with one of my best girlfriends & making dedications as each bottle’s glass is broken in the machine. Example: “to our exboyfriends”, “to spending my rent money on shoes”, etc.
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“…Did I mention all guys are douchebags? Yes, that is why I am single. It...”
– excerpt from an article on perpetual singledom
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The only gay guy in the entire town came up to me in this bar & one of my best girlfriends looked at me, shook her head, & said “like moths to a mother fucking flame”
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Wearing a bra, leather pants, heels, sequin jacket, & sshit ton of makeup & hair spray. If I do not get free drinks or hit on tonight so help me.
December 2011
44 posts
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@itsthatobvious →
Happy New Year’s Eve everyone! Drunk (or sober) tweet me stories/plans/whaddups all day & night long & I’ll RT my favs. Can’t wait to get weird with all of you!
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Mom was playing with the digital camera I got her for christmas & took a picture of me to test it out. She then said “oh…let’s delete that. We should figure out the camera tomorrow.” So passive aggressive!
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Playing the game catchphrase at our christmas family dinner. Description was “when you’re getting married the bride brings a dress, the groom brings a -“. The answer was tuxedo. My response was flask.
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We wish you a Snuggie Christmas & a hands-free New Year!
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Recounting last nights events & conversations & the weirdness that is my life is finally beginning to sink in. Another classic night out with the hoes, bros, & ‘mos!
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